 I'm funny how? Funny like a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I'm here to amuse you?(Joe Pesci)
Some of the best guitar work I've ever produced was at Rob Deering's Tour show at the Mac in Birmingham..
A very talented and funny guy and so is Rob Deering..
Don't take my word, go see him before he conquers the world..
Here is his link..
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Monty Python Videos
 Parrot Sketch
Video
Argument Sketch
Silly Walks!
 The Big Lebowski - Jesus Quintana
 Me in Brussels!
I had to take this picture very quickly in case any fan's recognised me..
(Note the people walking right past me..)
 The Reeperbahn Germany
The view from my 'Hotel' window.
I had a total of 6 and 3 quarter hours of sleep while in Hamburg.
 Typical Snack in Amsterdam...
It was better than sex, believe me and a lot cheaper than 50 Euros.
If that's what the prostitutes charge in Amsterdam, I don't know...
More fantastic spelling.
With spelling like this i'm not surprised that people can't piss straight..
This is my all time favourite...
Back in the days when I was known as Acoustic Highway....
Unbelievable...
That's Friar Park for you!!
Just keep 'em coming Friar Park, keep 'em coming...
Do not confuse a chav.
Please..
An extra service which is fast and friendly.
I prefer my BJ's female slow and anonymous.
Mike Surman's Alternative Christmas Day Viewing
With Christmas telly being AGAIN a load of camel shit unless you like 'ere, arm goin darn the markit nah, you camin? Ere, you carnt, you ain't mar casin anymor, you slept wiv yor mava!!' a classic line from the six episodes of eastenders shown you probably just stared at the telly & dreamt of what COULD be on your screen. Well, as if by magic, here's my wish list for Christmas day 2006. Vote for me and this will be YOUR viewing on that new channel SKY 666..
9.00am
The very last Eastenders episode sees the return of Arthur displaying his stigmater wounds battling it out with Dirty Den for the right to control the square. But will Pauline be able to stop shooting heroin in time to cook the freshly killed flesh of Wicksy to serve to the unsuspecting guests of Coronation Street? Also Mark Fowler learns the ancient art of Drunken Style Boxing.
10.00am
Film: Napoleon Dynamite
12.00pm
Noel Edmonds takes a look at the history of the Danish phenomenom 'Dogma' with interviews.
12.45pm
Film: Mifune
2.15pm
Christmas TOTP shows the very best from Jimi Hendrix, Slayer, The Beatles, SlipKnot, The Who, 10CC, The Rolling Stones & Peter Frampton.
3.00pm
The Queen's speech in German. With Subtitles.
3.15pm
Film: The Seven Samurai
7.00pm
Christmas X Factor.
The Winners from 3 years of torture will sing for a place to remain on planet earth.
Executions will be performed by Dennis Nielson.
(Show may over run if the publics appreciation of talent demands)
7.25pm
Cartoon from Tom & Jerry
7.30pm
Bey Logan Presents the Asian Film Awards 2006 live from the Albert Hall.
With special guests Kareem Abdul Jabbar & Leung Kar Yan.
9.00pm
Film: OldBoy
11.05pm
Fawlty Towers: The Germans. With poor grammar & punctuation Cantonese Subtitles.
11.30pm
Film: Drunken Master
1.00am
Film: Drunken Master 2:Legend of the Drunken Master
3.00am
The AVN 2006 Porn Awards from Daytona USA hosted by Jenna Jameson.
With Special Guests Nina Hartley, Lovette & Lisa Lipps.
4.30am
Learn to Speak Mandarin with Yuen Woo Ping.
Mike Surman's Christmas Message
Merry Christmas my arse. The only day I have off this year is a day where I become taxi for my Mother, without the £18 for a 3 an a half mile journey, 67MPH in a 30MPH children crossing zone & no speak English unless I'm a ha'penny short in the fare taxi ride.
What a way to finish the year though. Mr Shayne Ward with that bucketfull of talent winning the X Factor. I wept on the end of my bed when I heard his new single recorded before he won the fuck hiding show. Words that shook a generation like 'Speaking words of wisdom, let it be...' & 'I can't remember if I cried when I read about his widowed bride' or 'I thought I heard his (my father's) echo in my baby's new born tears...' are now replaced with..
'I'm not here to let your love go I'm not giving up oh no I'm here to win your heart and soul
That's my goal'
Well fuck me rigid. I hope my new song is as good as that. It goes something like this...
'Girlie Wirlie, I love you swirly. Hold me in your arms & share my curly whirly'
A definite hit I think...
I'd like to thank everyone who has been to my gigs and I mean everyone (you know who you are!) and of course the pubs, clubs and agents who have everlasting faith in me to do the best job possible.
Thanks to Roy Wood again for allowing me to screw up his gigs and of course Belinda C for giving me a good wage. No manners but fantastic ass.
EVERYONE who has emailed and offered support & said the most sweetest things about my act. The CD/DVD is nearly done, I'm just trying to find the best shots of me which is proving just as hard in the editing room as it was for Sean who filmed it. I can look kinda Jewish from the side thanks to a few kicks in the face when Kung fu was a sport and not a hollywood movie.
Hope to see some of you in the new year, which is almost a full diary so I may just copy and paste this message for next year replacing Shayne with Mike Surman...I don't fackin think so...
Happy Christmas & A Merry New Year or something like that..
Some Shayne Ward jokes to keep you going.... (No, I'm not Jealous, it's just envy..SPIT!)
What do Shayne Ward and a terrorist have in common?
They both blow bridges.
Why is a Shayne Ward like a bomb?
Because when you hear it it's too late.
How do you know Shayne Ward's a patient on
the intensive care unit?
he's the only one that asks for more echo on the
monitor.
What is the difference between Shayne Ward and a grand
piano?
About a semitone.
How does Shayne Ward change a light bulb?
he stands on a chair, takes hold of the bulb, and
waits for the whole world to revolve around him.
Peace & Goodwill... Mike xxx
A Plate of Fish & Chips
 Mike Surman's Dog
Name: Jude
Age: 5 years
Born: To a very nasty family who gave her away
Weight: Heavy & growing
Likes: Kebeb meat, Chinese Chicken & Sweetcorn soup, Cookie the Cat, licking her owners nose, her owner, being sick on her owners bed & chewing her owners discarded undergarments
Dislikes: Barking, other dogs, riding in cars, snow, hoovers & tall people
Hobbies: Watching Kung Fu movies, chasing boys & listening to 70's rock blues band Canned Heat
Ambition: To eat everything
 A hug from Daddy!!
xxxxx
 Michael Jackson Strikes again!!!
(Allegedly of course...)
OH THE IRONY!!!! THE GODDAMN IRONY!!!
Customer: Worcester sauce please mate...
Shop Keeper: Sorry can't, it's off the shelves, cancer scare.
C: Oh right, uh Chinese Chicken Wings?
SK: Ah that's the same mate, cancer scare
C: Hamburger Relish?
SK: Cancer scare
C: Sausage and Mash?
SK: Cancer scare
C: Cottage Pie?
SK: Aye, ...no wait, cancer scare.
C: So they're all off the shelves because of a cancer scare?
SK: Yup.
C: Jaysus, that's mad, just give me a packet of fags then.
SK: No bother. £5.25 please.
C: Thanks
(Only funny if you live in the UK!!)
OldBoy
Movie Review
There's few movies that come along that can be called a classic. The Godfather, Shawshank or Lemon Popsicle but I saw a movie last year entitled OldBoy, a Korean masterpiece!!
Directed by Chan Woo Park I urge everyone to buy it and watch it, it will change your life!!
(As usual, Hollywood have picked this up and will be making a remake with Nic Cage. Forget that one, see this one first!!!)
 Oh Dae-su is kidnapped and held in a private housing cell for fifteen years. Upon his release, he is given one task by his captor: to find out the reasons why. With a decade and a half of built up aggression and burning curiosity, Oh Dae-su searches for the answers that robbed him of his life.
OLDBOY
Youtube Video
 OLDBOY
Without revealing anymore (as it would spoil the film), OLD BOY is a meticulously crafted masterpiece. While its direction, cinematography and story are its muscles, the character of Oh Dae-su, played astoundingly by Min-sik Choi, is the true heart of the film. His character is either a successful experiment on repercussion or a dangerous tour in inner turmoil. Either way, OLD BOY does what most films are incapable of doing: to entertain by analyzing meaningful and significant emotional pain. When the reveals are revealed and the reversals are reversed, people will be talking about Park Chan-wook’s OLD BOY and its ending for a long, long time.
As an avid Hong Kong & Japanese cinema fan since the days of Enter the Dragon & Five Fingers of Death I have seen many films that have been subtitled. However, in mainland china in order to make as much dosh as possible film producers would release movies as quick as possible almost always including an indented subtitle that would make little or no sense at all. These are my favourite... (Mike Surman)
I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.
Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.
Gun wounds again? Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.
A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.
Damn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken!
Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants.
Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?
Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.
You always use violence.
I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.
I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!
You daring lousy guy. Beat him out of recognizable shape!
I have been scared shitless too much lately.
I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!
Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.
How can you use my intestines as a gift?
The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?
Shit you are the toppest fight! (my all time favourite!)
 Now there's an Idea!
 Whiskers junior had yet to learn that laughing at others could really hurt
their feelings...
 I needed a mechanic. A police officer I know wrote the number of a mechanic he knew. This was HIS spelling... Fantastic!
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